Laura's Pissed
by LapisDIDNOTHINGwrong101
Summary: (Crack Fic) I don't own Hamtaro. Laura has a bad day, what caused it? Read to find out! (Warning, contains language, some violence and suggestive content for adults)


A/N: I don't own Hamtaro. Laura and the other classmates are 18 in this story. The following contains blood, swearing and sexual situations: **DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!** That out of the way, enjoy the fanfic!

Laura's Pissed

*Laura Haruna's Room*

Hamtaro is happily rocking in his wheel like the good little bastard that he is.

The Hamster then thought to himself "I wonder how Laura is doing? I can't wait to see her come home from school! I bet she'll so happy and…."

(Laura then bursts into her room)

**"IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!"** Laura cried as she slammed her door, locked it, buried her face in her pillow and sobbed profusely.

"Laura? What's wrong?" Laura's parents asked as they unlocked her door using a spare key.

(sad sniff) "Well…..." Laura tried to collect herself.

*Earlier that day, last class before school is out for the summer, senior year*

"HEY KANA!" Said Laura while holding a card.

"HI LAURA! What's with the card?" Asked Kana.

"I made this for Travis…. **HE'S A MEGA HOTTIE!**" Laura said, blushing as she fantasized about her knight in shining armor.

Kana became concerned. "Oh…. uh Laura…...about Travis...…"

"What about Travis?" Asked Travis himself.

(To Travis)** "OH TRAVIS I MADE THIS CARD FOR YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE A MEGA HOTTIE! PLUS, WE SHOULD DATE, GET MARRIED, LET YOU FEEL MY BOOBS AND HAVE LIKE I DUNNO, ****A GAZILLION KIDS!****"** Laura said all romantic-like with hearts in her eyes.

Weirded out, Travis looks at Kana who in return gives a _"I don't know, I thought she already knew, __**don't look at me!"**_ shrug.

"Uh…Laura…" Travis tried to explain but the bell went off signaling the last class.

The assignment was writing an original poem and reading it to the whole class. After listening to everyone else's poems, Laura went last. After getting set up, Laura delivered a love poem involving her/Travis that was so **cliche**, so **creepy**, so **cringe-worthy** and so **over sexually-charged** that even the author of this fanfic won't bother typing it.

A/N: **Seriously, I ain't typing that shit. **Anyway back to the story ladies and gentlemen.

"And that's my poem, I made it all for you Travis! Will you be my boyfriend/future husband and have me bare our children?" Laura asked Travis seductively as she lowered the zipper to her coat just enough for Travis to see her cleavage while she licked her teeth with a smile.

Laura's chest was so close to Travis' face that he could hear her rapid heart-beats.

Travis sighed and said, "Laura….."

"Yes my lovie-dovie?" Laura said all cutesy.

Travis then answered. "….….**I'm Gay.**"

The once rapid heartbeats slowed to a crawl as Laura's face went completely blank. Her thoughts of riding w/ her Heterosexual Knight Travis into the sunset, turned into Travis dressed as Ricky Martin performing at a gay bar called _"No Girls Allowed." _And yes, Laura was kicked out and left to dance in the rain, which she sucked at.

"…..W-w-w-w-w-w-w-what?" Laura asked all confused.

Travis responded with, "Look Laura even though I find girls like you "icky", we can still be **friends.**"

Laura's face went more blank as she got friend-zoned.

"And you spelled my name with an _"E"_ when it's supposed to be an _"I."_ Travis pointed out since Laura misspelled it as _"Traves."_ The teacher walked up to Laura, looked at her poem, confirmed the spelling error and graded her assignment with a **"D -."**

What was supposed to be a romantic/wonderful way to wrap up school turned into an embarrassing failure that would live in infamy. Getting a bad grade wasn't the worst part: Knowing that she failed to secure Travis for herself in front of everyone, Laura was on the verge of tears.

"Well look on the bright side Haruna, it's the only _**"D"**_ you'll ever get from a guy! Get it? D! CUZ YOU'LL NEVER GET ANY DICK!" Glitter Kurihara taunted her rival Laura Haruna before laughing.

As a result, the entire room started laughing at Laura, including the teacher and Travis. (But not Kana, she actually felt horrible for Laura and saw that everyone making fun of her best friend were complete total chodes.) Names included but weren't limited to "failure", "thot", "bitch", "cunt", "whore" and even "turn-off."

Laura had enough.

"FUCK YOU GLITTER, FUCK YOU TEACHER, FUCK YOU CLASS, but not Kana cuz she's my bff _**represent**_ (throws gang sign to Kana who throws one back before Laura returned to her rant), FUCK THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, FUCK POETRY, FUCK THE FACT THAT THE USA ONLY GOT SEASONS 1 AND 2 OF HAMTARO WHILE JAPAN KEPT ALL 6 OF THEM, FUCK FRIEND-ZONES, FUCK OBAMACARE, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF (faces Travis) **FUCK YOU TRAVIS KIMURA! I HOPE YOU DIE FROM AIDS AND GET FUCKED-IN-THE-ASS BY JEFFERY DAHMER IN HELL FOR ETERNITY YOU COCK-SUCKING, SPOOGE-GUZZLING, BALL-JUGGLING, ANAL-LICKING FAGGOT!**" Laura screamed as she tore up her poem, threw it in Travis' face and stormed out crying. The entire room was shocked by Laura's outburst.

Kana got up, glared at everyone, gave them all the finger and ran off to comfort her best friend.

The entire room was still in complete shock.

"Wait…how did she know my fantasy?" Travis asked out loud.

*Present*

**"TRAVIS IS GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"** Laura sobbed even harder.

"Wow no need to be a homophobe Laura!" Said Laura's Dad.

**"DEAR!"** Laura's Mom said to her husband.

**"WHAT?!** I was just double checking! (to Laura) You're not homophobic, aren't you Laura?" Asked her dad.

"WHAT?! NO I'M NOT! I WAS JUST ANGRY AT HIM FOR LAUGHING AT MY PAIN! I HAVE PLENTY OF GAY FRIENDS! MY POINT IS THAT HE'S ONLY INTO GUYS AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF: HE FRIEND-ZONED ME!" Laura yelled through tears.

Laura's Mom was all, "Oh no….not the…"

"…..Friend-zone." Laura's Father said while holding his wife.

"I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE! I'LL JUST GROW OLD AND BE MISERABLE WITH NO ONE TO LOVE ME BACK!" Laura cried.

"Well look at the bright side: you won't have to worry about getting pregnant anytime soon! (Gets his arm jabbed by his wife) OW!" Said her dad.

"I HATE BEING FRIENDZONED! **FUCK FRIEND-ZONES!**" Laura roared, shocking her parents.

"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT FUCKING LANGUAGE…oh, us." Laura's Parents said.

"I'm sorry….. I just need some time to mourn." Laura said all teary-eyed.

"It's okay Laura, hang in there." Said her Mom.

"Don't forget to write." Said Laura's dad as he and his wife relocked her door and left. Laura returned to crying into her pillow.

"Hmmm what's wrong with Laura?" Hamtaro thought to himself.

The little orange hamster got out of his cage and tried to get Laura's attention but to no avail.

"Huh…no luck so far, I'm gonna go chew on some curtains!" Hamtaro thought to himself as he climbed up the curtains and started chewing on them. After making a hole the size of a hockey puck, he felt a very strong hand grab him from behind and squeeze him very tight. The little hamster was face-to-face with Laura.

**"HAMTARO YOU FUCKING RODENT! HOW MANY GODDAMN FUCKING TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO CHEW ON THESE PIECE-OF-SHIT CURTAINS?! DO YOU WANT CREEPS TO SPY ON US?! NOT THAT IT MATTERS BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES ME! IF YOU CHEW ON ONE MORE CURTAIN, I WILL THROW YOU OUTSIDE FOR THE CATS, BIRDS OR ANY OTHER FUCKING ANIMAL I CAN FUCKING THINK OF TO EAT! UNDERSTAND?! NOW GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK, FURRY, FUCKING SKULL YOU BRAINLESS ORANGE SHIT-STAIN!" **Laura roared at her hamster.

Hamtaro was all scared, causing Laura to come back to her senses.

"…Oh…..no…..…..Hamtaro…I…...**I'M SO SORRY!**" Laura cried as she held Hamtaro close. **"IF I WERE MORE RESPONSIBLE THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED! HERE…PLAY IN YOUR BIG WHEEL AND EAT YOUR SEEDS: PLEASE FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE MAMA!"** Laura cried.

"Mama?" Hamtaro thought to himself.

Hamtaro then crawled up to Laura's face and started licking it, causing Laura to giggle.

(sniff) "He-he…thanks Hamtaro…I wish I could find more men like you." Laura said as she gave Hamtaro a peck and placed him in his cage before taking a nap.

*Laura Dream*

**"SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!" **Said Laura as she was a tied-up princess.

"NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU NOW LAURA! **MWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!**" Laughed the evil, slutty witch Glitter along with her gay, scantily-clad henchman Travis.

"YEAH, YOUR SUFFERING MAKES US FEEL **OH SO FAB!**" Travis said all flamboyantly with one hand on his hip and the other making a gay hand gesture.

"PLEASE LET ME GO!" Laura said all cliché.

"NO ONE WANTS TO FUCK YOU!(10x)" Glitter and Travis sang in unison causing Laura to cry.

**"THINK AGAIN YOU SLUTTY THOTS!"** Said a mysterious voice.

"THE FUCK?!" Said Glitter.

"LIKE WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT BRAH?!" Travis said as if he was a living gay stereotype.

Just then A Conan the Barbarian like Hamtaro arrived. "Tis I Hamtaro-nan! **Slayer of Douche-Bags and Hero of Laura Haruna!**" Hamtaro declared.

"OH NO GUARDS STOP HIM!" Glitter said as a bunch of her rapid fan-boys charged at Hamaro-nan.

Using his sword, Hamrato made mincemeat out of the guards with one slice.

"TRAVIS DO SOMETHING!" Glitter Ordered.

"Don't worry, (pulls down pants/underwear to reveal a micro-dick with micro testicles) my golden-rainbow-shower of P.R.I.D.E. will be his undoing and (Hamtaro slices Travis' chode and nads off) **MY JUNK BRO!"** Travis cried as he was rolling on the ground in a ball screaming in a high-pitched voice as he cried.

Glitter tried to cast a spell, but Hamtaro used a Thu'um that ripped Glitter's limbs off. (Skyrim reference.)

Hamtaro then rolled his adversaries onto their stomachs pulled their pants/underwear off and fired 2 Ki beams (made entirely out of live hamsters) right up their rectums. As a result, the hamsters ate Glitter and Travis from the inside out causing them to scream bloody murder before dying an agonizing death.

Then Hamtaro fired a non-harmful beam at Laura which not only freed her, but managed to strip her down to a very sexy, revealing bikini.

**"YOU'RE MY HERO HAMTARO!"** Laura said as she ran to her savior who picked her up and stared into her eyes all lovingly.

Laura was all, "He's so romantic, (this is wrong) and muscular (he's a Hamster) what? (Hamster)Oh no (Hamster) Laura wake yourself up (You're a furry Laura, a sick, sick, sick, furry fuck!) WAKE UP!"

Just then Laura woke up sweating.

"Phew it was all a dream." Laura lifted the covers up only to see she was 9 months pregnant. Just then Hamtaro who was the size of an adult human walked in with a hat and briefcase.

"Laura I'm home! How's our baby?" Hamtaro asked.

Laura screamed again causing her to wake up.

"Oh that was scary…. why is it still dark?" Laura questioned, only to realize that she was the size of a hamster, naked and was in a cage but the cloth covering the cage was pulled off.

"Hello class today we will be learning about Hamster reproduction." Said the teacher as he placed another Hamster in Laura's cage which happened to be Hamtaro.

"Laura Haruna will you marry me?" Hamtaro said as he presented Laura w/ a special sunflower seed.

Laura screamed as she tried to cover her naked body but this time, someone was here to help.

"Laura? Laura? WAKE UP!" Said Kana.

"WHO? WHAT? WHERE?...Oh thank you Kana, it was just another nightmare." Laura said.

"Yeah those guys at school are asshats!" Said Kana.

"Yup it's just you, me and our pet hamsters!" Said Laura.

"Uh Laura, hamsters aren't real, they're fairy tale creatures." Said Kana

Laura screamed one final time before waking up for good.

(Panting) "What an awful series of nightmares Hamtaro: the worst of which was Travis being gay and not liking my poem! Speaking of which: Today's my last senior day of school and I wrote this epic poem called _"MY LOVE FOR TRAVES!"_ I hope he loves it because he's a major Hottie! I'll be back later today and remember Hamtaro: No Nibbling the curtains!" Laura said as she got ready and left for school.

As thus, the cycle never ended.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed that! Feel free to review!


End file.
